Tag Archives: williamsburg

cutting-edge bathroom reviews

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do you have a small bladder, like me?

do you perhaps drink too much coffee, also like me?

do you use public restrooms a lot…ok, like me?

well, you’re in luck. because I am going to start keeping active reviews of all the public bathrooms I use within my limited sphere of movement! I have a book, bathrooms of the berkshires in the works, but while that’s on hold–and should you happen to be in williamsburg– you will know exactly what bathrooms are safe to use! no, no…please, no applause. this is the least I could do to serve my fellow small-bladdered humans.

today’s bathroom: harbour coffee, 4260 Casey Blvd Williamsburg, VA

harbour coffee’s bathroom is nothing special, but it is always very clean. there is a sign on the wall that tells you how to properly wash your hands if you have problems with things like that. roommate melissa says that on her last trip, the toilet paper was rougher than usual, but hopefully that was just a one time thing. on the plus side, I have found that there has always been plenty of soap and they have recently installed a new paper towel dispenser!

rating: 4.5 (out of 5) for the rough toilet paper and slight funhouse quality of the mirror.

update: karen h. has reminded me that there was something on slate yesterday about an iphone app that performed this same bathroom monitoring function. well, I want you to know that I was thinking about this before the iphone was a glimmer in the eye of steve jobs. so there, fools.

the strangest of all roadside attractions

today, I fulfilled a dream that was several months in the making. I went to presidents park.

the strangeness that is president's park

the strangeness that is president's park. notice william "the fattie" taft at the center.

I first saw presidents park in march when I came down to visit william and mary. my friend kristin, knowing my affection for the presidents, knew it was something I had to see. so, in the virginia dusk, she drove me down route 199 and told me to keep my eyes open. suddenly, rising up out of the ground along the side of the highway were GIANT BUSTS OF ALL THE PRESIDENTS. the orangey light of the setting sun shined on abraham lincoln’s face, who benevolently smiled at passers-by. these white, 15-foot tall cement statues looked like they were growing straight out of the ground from GIANT PRESIDENTIAL SEEDS. I almost had a heart attack. we pulled down the road behind the park so I could take a few photos through a chain link fence.

every time I drove down rt. 199 past presidents park, I would almost drive directly off the road and into a tree. so today, I finally went there to this presidential mecca.

it was weird.

the busts–made of sculpted white concrete and arranged chronologically along a circular path–are just tall enough that you can look right up your favorite president’s nostrils. gentle patriotic music wafts through the air. Informational signs point out the most salient points from each president’s career, often leaving out the most juicy bits. though pointing out that john quincy adams swam in the potomac river everyday, the sign, however, neglects to mention that he did this in the nude.

good ol' george washington

good ol' george washington

I was slightly sadden by the fact that old standards like abe and georgie-poo and andrew “asshole” jackson were fairly well maintained, but the lesser-known presidents (who are always my favorites) had peeling paint and big chunks taken out of their noses. oh, the injustice. I have to say, too, that bill clinton didn’t look much like bill clinton. he looked like a big fatty who’d spent too much time playing video games and eating cheez-whiz. on the other hand, george bush, sr. looked really good. I think there was some heavy republican favoritism at play here. also, the admission was $7.50! $7.50! hopefully they put my money to good use and give FDR a new pair of spectacles. the man is blind without them, seriously.

in conclusion, I suppose I might say that my perceptions of presidents park are not unbepissed.

george bush, sr., looking good

george bush, sr., looking good

bill "butterface" clinton

bill "butterface" clinton