and I understand they are for sharing, but really, this was ridiculous.
five full-grown young ladies shouldn’t have to split three spears of zucchini, one slice of red onion, and three sweet potato medallions. I mean, this is just madness. the waitress could have said “you should order two of those,” or maybe she was a sadistic waitress–one who enjoyed watching us cut one slice of onion into five pieces. she also brought it out first, by itself, probably thinking “ha ha, this will be hil-ar-i-ous!” as our faces dropped and felt that $7 rapidly leaving our pockets.
this is a warning to you, friends. if you go to the mission bar in pittsfield and feel like having some grilled vegetables, I hope you order something else. unless you’re all like “oh boy, I could really go for a slice of grilled onion right now. but just one slice–two would be just too much.”
had a long day? don’t have time to prep a semi-fresh, raw chicken from the grocery store? or, I don’t know, buy a pre-cooked rotisserie chicken? well, then you should try WHOLE CHICKEN IN A CAN.
click here if you dare to see what this baby looks like once it’s out of the can. I think it looks like starbuck in that episode of battlestar galactica. yeah, you know what I’m talking about, nerd.
for your reading pleasure, I’ve added this lovely list of other disgusting canned foods out there. bon appetit.
I would like to devote a moment, my dears, to the splendors of jellied cranberry sauce.
why yes, I have had “real” cranberry sauce.
but I ask you: does “real” cranberry sauce come in a can? does “real” cranberry sauce make a beautiful, slurpy whooshing sound as it is freed from the saucepan and into the serving dish? does “real” cranberry sauce maintain its perfect can shape, jiggling gently like a sweet, crimson pillar of deliciousness? and, most importantly, does “real” cranberry sauce have perfect ridges that encircle its firm–yet somehow delicate–delectable fruity sourness like the rings in the trunk of an old, wise redwood?
that is because sugary, canned slightly metallic tasting jellied cranberry sauce is proof that god loves us.
IT IS THE SPIRIT OF THANKSGIVING.
oh my lord.
cascadian farms is WEIRD.