selleck waterfall sandwich

"featured sandwich: italian."

MWAHAHAHA!

a thought

it’s weird to see someone you went to elementary school with on a reality television show.

should I try this again?

weird. and kind of creepy.

have you massaged your cat today?

this cat looks just like smokey. I think our cat has a shady past of instructional videos and feline massages.

I know, two cat posts in a row. yikes.

dinosaur kingdom

yes, that is a union soldier about to be devoured by a tyrannosaurus rex.

this weekend, I went to dinosaur kingdom in natural bridge, virginia, a weird, alternate universe where the union army has tried to harness the power of the mighty dinosaurs and failed miserably. the “kingdom” is picturesquely situated along a wooded path, the sylvan glen echoing with the angry growls of dinosaurs set to a soundtrack much like the one my mother played one halloween.

what. the. hell.

then of course there was the mighty two-headed tortoise, taunting one soldier by sipping from his canteen…

…and of course the terrible moment when a rogue velociraptor stole the gettysburg address from abraham lincoln.

I can’t tell how lincoln feels here. is he angry? sad? suffering from writer’s block? helplessly bullied by a prehistoric pest?

while in natural bridge, we also stopped at foamhenge, which was created by the same man who started the dinosaur park.

BEHOLD ITS MAGISTERIAL GLORY!

apparently, this is was made in the same dimensions as the actual stonehenge, and it’s probably the closest I’ll ever get to seeing the real thing. my only regret is that I forgot my druid robe.

awkward commercials

hil-larious.

not so delicious

fancy fast food features many…beautiful photographs of what enterprising, creative people can do with their fast food.

take, for example, this wendy’s napoleon made from a baconator combo.

or this dah mi noh chow mein, with fresh hoisin sauce derived from delicious diet pepsi.

isn’t your mouth just…watering right now? and by “watering” I mean “filling up with vomit”?

I’m impressed, though. the most creative thing I’ve ever done with fast food was dip french fries in a chocolate shake.

it’s good. really.

my mom told me to do it.

no eye-contact glasses

tee hee hee. I’d like to wear these all the time.

to all the narwhals out there

what’s up, narwhals? why are you so popular all of a sudden? here I am, talking you up for years and telling everyone how kicky and fresh you are and no one even believed you were real. everyone thought I was lying, fooling around, or crazy. even my friends who know about the ocean and stuff thought I was full of it and were like “ha ha, liz, you’re so silly and cool.” now BAM, you’re rock stars.

good job, narwhals. it’s your time to shine.

bonus link!

a selection of search terms that have been used to find this blog

• unbepissed (by far the most popular. I’m pretty sure I’m the top hit on google for it. huzzah!)
• black puppets
• vanity license plate ideas for a miata
• pneumatic tube sound effect
• poem about students in a pneumatic tube
• patrick swayze christmas 2008
• “the man needs a poem”
• keanu reeves spontaneous combustion
• why are my arms so short?

readers, what does this say? is it you who is bizarre, or is it I?