pneumatic tube ladies
I wish we would initiate an interstate pneumatic tube system. (for those of you who don’t know, a pneumatic tube is the magical plastic chute that disappears your bank book or money at the bank drive-thru. it makes a sound like ’shooom!’)
I would use that thing all the time. sometimes I just have something I want to say to a friend, but I don’t want to say it online and I don’t want to say it on the phone. I don’t want to waste a whole sheet of stationery or go buy more stamps because the post office pisses me off and there are always old ladies there who have forgotten their glasses. I just want to say to my friend “boobies, tee hee!” or something sponteneous and witty like that. and that’s all.
a pneumatic tube system would be perfect for this. I could scribble out my little note, put it in the plastic capsule, place the capsule in the tube, and press a button! shooom! there goes my note, all the way across the country. my friend opens it, reads “boobies, tee hee!” and dies of laughter. all because of pneumatic tubes.
apparently, some european countries use(d) this system for mail, but it was abandoned in favor of computers or fax machines/ruined by floods. I believe we should enact a system of interstate pneumatic tubage. I think it would change communication as we know it. bonds between friends and family would become stronger because this method of communication would just be so fun! even computer illiterate old people could use a pneumatic tube! imagine–you could even break up with your significant other via pneumatic tube! strongly worded letters of complaint would have so much more force if they arrived in a plastic capsule and with pneumatic sound effects!
perhaps I will start a petition to this effect. if it doesn’t work, I could always move into a bank. and live off of mints and lollipops.
