not so delicious

fancy fast food features many…beautiful photographs of what enterprising, creative people can do with their fast food.

take, for example, this wendy’s napoleon made from a baconator combo.

or this dah mi noh chow mein, with fresh hoisin sauce derived from delicious diet pepsi.

isn’t your mouth just…watering right now? and by “watering” I mean “filling up with vomit”?

I’m impressed, though. the most creative thing I’ve ever done with fast food was dip french fries in a chocolate shake.

it’s good. really.

my mom told me to do it.

joy of cooking recipes that sound disgusting, part 1

jellied clam juice ring

8 servings

->please read about gelatin, page 516.

dilute:
clam juice or minced clams
with:
water or vegetable juices
to make a palatable mixture. there should be 4 cups of liquid. season this with:
lemon juice and paprika
a few drops of worcester sauce
soak:
2 tablespoons gelatin
in 1/2 cup of the liquid.
heat just to the boiling point 1 cup of the liquid. dissolve the soaked gelatin in it. return it to the remaining liquid with the minced clams if they were used. pour in a wet 9-inch ring mold. chill until firm. invert  the jelly onto a plate. fill the center with:
cottage cheese
surround it with:
tomato and cucumber slices
serve with:
mayonnaise

–the joy of cooking, page 97, 12 ed., 1964

postscript:

you can purchase a case of 12 cans on minced clams on amazon for only $27.51!

ew ew EW

had a long day? don’t have time to prep a semi-fresh, raw chicken from the grocery store? or, I don’t know, buy a pre-cooked rotisserie chicken? well, then you should try WHOLE CHICKEN IN A CAN.

click here if you dare to see what this baby looks like once it’s out of the can. I think it looks like starbuck in that episode of battlestar galactica. yeah, you know what I’m talking about, nerd.

for your reading pleasure, I’ve added this lovely list of other disgusting canned foods out there. bon appetit.

thoughts on cake decoration

if you’re looking to decorate some cakes, never buy wilton’s color mist food color spray. it comes in a cool aerosol can but smells like the highly flammable piss of satan.

however, here is a photo of a cake my friends and I decorated at our dear friend katie-rose’s wedding party. the blue is from–WILTON’S COLOR SPRAY, which is fine if you don’t mind your cake smelling like an old lady hair salon or a propane tank. be forwarned: this carousel-themed cake rocks pretty hardcore. I mean, how many cakes do you see with fruit snacks and matches?

ok, we didn’t eat the matches.

please notice the gorilla in a bikini.

this is gross

this is one of the grossest things I’ve seen in a LONG time.

one of these  mcdonald’s hamburgers is from 2008. one is from 1996.

coffee-mate

why are there so many flavors of coffee-mate creamer? I started wondering about this last night when I saw a commercial announcing the newest flavors, which include tiramisu. who would want their coffee to taste like soggy lady fingers and mascarpone cheese, anyway? if you want your coffee to taste like tiramisu, maybe you should just put down the coffee and go get some disgusting tiramisu. you don’t deserve any delicious coffee, you freak.

coffee

tiramisu

abomination