ew ew EW

had a long day? don’t have time to prep a semi-fresh, raw chicken from the grocery store? or, I don’t know, buy a pre-cooked rotisserie chicken? well, then you should try WHOLE CHICKEN IN A CAN.

click here if you dare to see what this baby looks like once it’s out of the can. I think it looks like starbuck in that episode of battlestar galactica. yeah, you know what I’m talking about, nerd.

for your reading pleasure, I’ve added this lovely list of other disgusting canned foods out there. bon appetit.

love song of the jellied cranberry sauce

I would like to devote a moment, my dears, to the splendors of jellied cranberry sauce.

why yes, I have had “real” cranberry sauce.

but I ask you: does “real” cranberry sauce come in a can? does “real” cranberry sauce make a beautiful, slurpy whooshing sound as it is freed from the saucepan and into the serving dish? does “real” cranberry sauce maintain its perfect can shape, jiggling gently like a sweet, crimson pillar of deliciousness? and, most importantly, does “real” cranberry sauce have perfect ridges that encircle its firm–yet somehow delicate–delectable fruity sourness like the rings in the trunk of an old, wise redwood?

no?

that is because sugary, canned slightly metallic tasting jellied cranberry sauce is proof that god loves us.

IT IS THE SPIRIT OF THANKSGIVING.

the end.

this is some weird shit right here

oh my lord.

cascadian farms is WEIRD.

BROCCOLI FACES